I decided to write this blog because it is important for African American women to understand the trials and tribulations of losing weight. Last year, I weighed in at 196lbs and before that I was at a whopping 204lbs. I was sick and I knew I was sick. Each day after eating for over an hour on my couch and without moving a muscle towards exercise, I was killing mysself.
It wasn't until it all struck close to home that I realized what I was doing to myself. My father, had another daughter her name was Lesley Rochelle. She talked to us many times on the phone the summer of 82 or 83. She was so nice and I wanted so much to meet her. My dad promised he would let her come to stay with us the summer of 1983. We talked to this girl for over six months on the phone. Before summer arrived he asked her to send a picture of herself to us. When we received the picture, my step mother kind as she was, immediately stated this was not his child. Then, he started ranting that she was not his child because she was a big girl. As for me, I couldn't tell the difference. All I knew was what he told us. First, he said she was his daugther, then he says she is not his daughter. As a child, I was heartbroken and wanted to see my sister.
Years went by and I'm sure her heart was broken because he lied to us all. Well, years later he had us come over telling us that he had gotten in touch with her and wanted her to meet us. I went over to his apartment and he was cooking up everything. Well, to his surprise she never showed up. His feelings were hurt this time. I couldnt't blame her because he previously hurt this child for no reason. She had no idea that this man she wanted to love so bad was so evil. We knew first hand how he felt about his children. Hell, he even abandoned us in the end and my grandmother had to come and rescue us. (God Rest her Soul). Well, Lesly didn't understand him as we did. Most likely, she assumed that he loved us and not her. She simply didn't know that he was a selfish man and cared for no one but himself.
After realizing that she would not show up for his little get together, I finally told him that I couldn't blame her and it was all his fault. I kindly reminded him how he did her so many years ago and how she may have never forgotten and wanted to get his ass back.
Surprisingly, she kept in touch with him, but that was sometime later. Finally, she met him in person and she told him she was dying. She was diagnosed with Diabetes a few years ago and her life went downhill soon after. She went from taking pills to going on insulin to having dialysis 2 times a week up to 3 times a week until she was on 5 times a week. Her progression with diabetes was very rapid and quick. She had no control over her eating and lifestyle.
I can only imagine what she endured her five years of Diabetes. Her life changed very rapidly, when I finally got to meet her she was very sick. I could smell death upon her. My kids and I went to see her. She was kind and she was sweet and she looked just like my dad. The only difference was that she was just bigger. At the time, I was doing great but I had my own weight problems and didn't understand that all this affected my life as well.
At least 10 years prior, my grandmother called me to tell me that my dad was diagnosed with Diabetes and she couldn't understand why he would receive such a diangosis. What I reminded my grandmother (Mary Johnson) was the fact that he had come from not only her but from his father too. This could be something that ran on his father side. The good part was that he was put on insulin pills and did not have to take the injections. This meant, that with some lifestyle changes he could manage his diabetes and live a long productive life.
Well, as time continued he found his daughter and found out she was insulin dependent and that she was on dialysis 3 times a week. The doctors wanted her to lose weight to control her diabetes. After about a year, she went to five times a week on Dialysis. This meant she could not travel unless a Dialysis facility was near. My dad wanted her to go to a school reunion but she could not make it because it was such a small place and there were no dialysis center available. I felt bad for her and I knew she was dying. I made the most selfish decison I could ever make in life. I decided it was best not to get close to her because it would damage me and my children.
Therefore, I kept away as my sister struggled with this fight. I'm so ashamed of how I behaved in this situation. I failed and I neglected a sister who needed me and wanted to know me and my children because I was afraid to hurt.
In the end, I still felt the pain and hurt when she passed away while awaiting to get on the list for a kidney transplant she so desperatly needed. We all seem to think or belive that we can handle any situation and that our decisons are best for all those around us. The truth is that I was afraid of her disease. I was afriad of this illness. I was a coward to face this illness. She faced it head on and dealt with her situation.
When the call came that she was in the hospital and all of her family needed to be there at that moment, I knew she was in trouble. I made sure to be there for her, but I was too late. She had gone to Dialysis and when she came home she was in pain. Since, her pain did not stop her neighbors called her an ambulance. She went to the hospital and she never came out that hospital. One of her friends stated that she was in her room and all alone. The machines started going off and no came to help her. She stated that she went to the nurse station, as they were talking and laughing. She told them that my sister was sick and needed help because all her machines were going off . She stated, my sister had already flat lined and they worked on her for an hour to get a heartbeat. Therefore, they called the family after getting a heartbeat to tell us that she had fallen into a coma and we needed to decide on whether or not to take her off life support. With that said, I knew she was a vegetable and she was brain dead. All we saw was a shell. Her true lifeform was gone a long time ago. We all decided when to remove her from life support. We all went to the hospital and I watched them take her off the machines. She took a long time to die. She had a very powerful heartbeat, which lasted for well up to four hours. I stayed until her last beat occurred. I felt bad the entire time because I neglected this sister. There was no way to bring her back and there were so many questions I desperately needed answered. However, I let this opportunity slip away from fingers to understand the dept of Diabetes. What it was like to live such a life. The struggles she faced day in and day out. I failed not only her but myself and my own children. For, this is one disease which follows into the next generation of people.
I would soon find out so much more!
